Taking the time to update a blog anymore is more than I have. I've been sick, the boys have been sick. Hell I haven't even been able to post that we had another little boy in November 2012. He was a preemie and spent 3 weeks in the NICU. He is still catching up and is very small and kind of behind of a 6 month old. But his corrected age is only about 4 1/2 months so it is expected.
My depression is worsening. As is my anxiety. I need to be on better medication. Something to stop my panic attacks once they start. Looking into it. Things are hard and I feel like they will never get any easier. No matter what we do things feel set back. We can never get ahead. Thinking on it just upsets me though so I won't dwell here.
We're kind of back into gaming. But it doesn't feel like everyone is really in it. We're running a bunch of one nighters mostly and Wes has a game going. I am going to run a one nighter that is like a murder mystery. I have been playing Skyrim a lot lately. It is fun to explore.
I spend a lot of time with Kai. We watch movies and snuggle and he runs my errands with me. 5 years old already. The baby sleeps a lot but we still play and snuggle. He likes spending time with Kai most of all.
My husband is amazing. He takes such good care of all of us. We're getting back into Doctor Who together. Its nice to watch shows with him.
I sleep a lot. I think I might be fighting off some sort of sickness but I don't know. Could be diabetes, could be depression, could be taking care of two kids. Whatever. I just want to sleep.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Returning to my Thoughts
It has been a long time since I even attempted something like this. I was too tired, too busy, what have you. Meanwhile there are all these thoughts I never write down. All these memories I am afraid I might forget if I don't preserve them somehow. So, an attempt to write things down has begun anew.
My life is constantly going, constantly changing. For better sometimes, for worse others. My son has grown into a wonderful little boy. He is smart, funny, and to me at least, handsome. He is not the little baby we brought home four years ago, he's grown into so much more.
My husband and I are still happily married. I cannot say the same for a great many people I know. It makes me sad for them, but appreciative of what I have at the same time. We are busy with school, life, friends, and of course our son. But we still make time for one another. It is good.
We are expecting. I am not sure how many people really feel about this. But I suspect that there are more than enough negative thoughts on it. Because of our financial situation and my health. I can understand the worries, but a child is a joyous occasion. If people cannot be positive, or at the very least NOT negative about it, then I don't want them around. I just won't have it. This baby is WANTED and this baby is LOVED. Period. The reactions and feelings of my husband, son and self are the only ones that play into this family.
I have wanted to begin writing again, but I have just been too tired. Homework and early pregnancy combined can sometimes cause my brain to just shut off. I may attempt to be creative this summer when I have time off. Or I may just spend the summer in my air conditioned room watching movies and coloring with my beautiful son. Either way it is a win.
Gaming...well I still like to game. I am enjoying Sam's game very much. I quit one someone else was running that I really didn't like. We are having new ones start this summer. But as I told the group my participation depends on how I feel. I may have to rest a great deal. I would love to run my game again, I just have not been able to get the work done on it that it requires. I won't let down my players by running a half assed game.
For now, I close hoping I can update this weekly, or as close to. Maybe more often depending. Even if no one reads it, I have a place where I can ramble and share. Therapeutic, don't you think?
My life is constantly going, constantly changing. For better sometimes, for worse others. My son has grown into a wonderful little boy. He is smart, funny, and to me at least, handsome. He is not the little baby we brought home four years ago, he's grown into so much more.
My husband and I are still happily married. I cannot say the same for a great many people I know. It makes me sad for them, but appreciative of what I have at the same time. We are busy with school, life, friends, and of course our son. But we still make time for one another. It is good.
We are expecting. I am not sure how many people really feel about this. But I suspect that there are more than enough negative thoughts on it. Because of our financial situation and my health. I can understand the worries, but a child is a joyous occasion. If people cannot be positive, or at the very least NOT negative about it, then I don't want them around. I just won't have it. This baby is WANTED and this baby is LOVED. Period. The reactions and feelings of my husband, son and self are the only ones that play into this family.
I have wanted to begin writing again, but I have just been too tired. Homework and early pregnancy combined can sometimes cause my brain to just shut off. I may attempt to be creative this summer when I have time off. Or I may just spend the summer in my air conditioned room watching movies and coloring with my beautiful son. Either way it is a win.
Gaming...well I still like to game. I am enjoying Sam's game very much. I quit one someone else was running that I really didn't like. We are having new ones start this summer. But as I told the group my participation depends on how I feel. I may have to rest a great deal. I would love to run my game again, I just have not been able to get the work done on it that it requires. I won't let down my players by running a half assed game.
For now, I close hoping I can update this weekly, or as close to. Maybe more often depending. Even if no one reads it, I have a place where I can ramble and share. Therapeutic, don't you think?
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